Divorce

In this week's class discussion we talked about divorce. We talked about how to protect marriages from divorcing. Somethings we mentioned were learn to solve problems as together, date properly, be open with spouse, and avoid blaming one another. We also talked about the different kinds of processes there are when it comes to separation. There is emotional, legal, economic, co-parental, community, and psychic separation. Emotional separation talks about losing trust and affection for your spouse. Legal separation refers to a court officially saying that the marriage is over. Economic separation talks about property and making a settlement. Co-parental separation involves children. Community separation talks about leaving behind friends and relations that both spouses had by leaving their community. Psychic separation talks about accepting that you are no longer a part of a couple, but you are now an individual. In class my professor also told us that 71% of people believe that two years after divorce the couple said that could have made their marriage work. We also discussed the challenges of getting remarried.

Parenting

This weeks class discussion we talked about parenting. Early in the week we talked about characteristics that keep us grounded as members in a family or as parents. First we have courage, then responsibility, then cooperation, and finally respect. For  courage we talked about doing the right things even if it is scary. For responsibility we talked about having the ability to respond to challenges. For cooperation we talked about working together, and for respect we talked about being considerate of one another. We talked about different types of parenting like, authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive parenting. Authoritarian is when the child has no choice and is being controlled by the parent, authoritative is when the child has opportunities for choices and has guided direction, and permissive parenting is when the child is not directed by the parent at all and gets to make their own choices all the time. In class we talked about active parenting. In active parenting we were told to ask ourselves "who owns the problem?' Now this doesn't mean who is at fault for the problem, it means who is affect by the problem. Once we know who the problem affects we can better handle certain situations.

Work!

In this week's class discussion we talked about work. We talked about how since the beginning of time men and women have worked. They have worked to live. We talked about how important it is to teach our children the ethics of working. We discussed that allowing children to earn their own money allows them to feel independent and responsible. We also discussed in the first part of the week, how once World War II started men went off to war and the women in, effect from that, needed to go to work outside of the home. Since then women have had a huge role in the work force. We talked about how marriages could suffer from having both husband and wife in the work force. The marriage could suffer because now there is competition between spouses. Competition in who works better, who gets paid more, and so on. This could be very unhealthy especially if a spouse thinks that they are better then their spouse.

Communication Week

This week in class we discussed  how we communicate with others, different kinds of power in a marriage, and the importance of coming together as a family and making important discussions. We discussed in class this week that we not only communicate with our language, but with our facial expressions, our body movements, and the tone we use when we talk. It is extremely important that if  we don't quite understand what someone is saying we need to ask them what they really mean. It is also important to take a break from talking with someone when you are upset, give yourself a little breathing room and then go back and address the situation. We should do this because when we take a break from upsetting moments our emotions are able to calm down, which will help us think more clearly. There are five different types of power in a marriage; coercive, legitimate, expert, referent, and informational. Coercive power is avoiding punishment by spouse, legitimate power is more about duty to one another, expert power is that either spouse has expertise in something, referent power is wanting to please your spouse, and informational power is making sure that what your spouse wants is in her or his best interest. In class we talked about how the last three powers are probably the best powers to use in a marriage. It is important to come together to make decisions as a family, because it allows members to have the opportunity to speak openly and frankly. It allows every one's voice to be heard, because every one's  opinion is important. It also invites members of the family to have a deeper bond.

Crisis Week

In our class discussion this week we talked about family crisis. During a crisis, usually these three things are a common factor; increase of stress, an emergency, and change from routine occurs. We talked about how a crisis symbolizes dangers and opportunity. When a crisis occurs it tends to "show the true colors" of a person personality. It's almost like a test of how someone will really react. This reminds me of resilience, which means the ability of a family, or a person, to go through hard times, but still remain strong.  We also talked about the abc's of a crisis, and they are as follows; a is the actual event, b is the resources and response, c is the cognitive part of a crisis, and x is the total experience of the crisis. The one thing I really like about this weeks topic is one of the definitions in the book, and that's reframing. Reframing means to change your perspective about an event or something that happens to you. For me, if I did this all the time the things that would happen to me might not be such a big deal. I believe reframing can save a lot of wasted time and energy on minor things, and get put toward something more important.

Being Aware

This week in my class decision we talked about sexuality and infidelity. Before, we started talking about our topic for the week our teacher asked us what the word sacred means, and many people said that it meant holy (which is a synonym for sacred). We talked about what holy meant, and we came up with it meaning that you discuss something in a proper content or treat it with respect. As we had our class discussion this week we treated this subject with the respect and  importance that it deserved.  In one of our readings called Infidelity: Protecting our Marriages by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner they mention four types of an affair. I thought it was very enlightening. So there are four types of  affairs, which are; fantasy, visual, romantic, and sexual. They mention how fantasy and visual are forms of detached affairs. Fantasy is an emotional affair, in which one person doesn't know about it, because it's not their fantasy, but the other persons. Visual is a physical affair, an example of this is pornography. They mention how romantic and sexual affairs are attached affairs. A romantic affair is consider an emotional affair, because a person is getting involved with someone other then who they're married to emotionally. And a sexual affair is a physical affair. I thought this was enlightening, because for the most part I don't think many people know that there are other ways to have an affair then just by having sexual intimacy with someone other then their spouse. It is important to be aware of these things in keep and sustain a marriage.

Marriage

This week the class discussion was about adjusting to being married, and how to keep your relationship with your spouse a priority when you start having children. Some adjustments to getting  married are having  new family members (in-laws), creating new sleeping and eating habits, deciding who will be in charge of the money, and deciding when you want to start a family. In class we talked about making time for your spouse. Your children are important, but it is also important to include your spouse in raising your children, so that they don't feel neglected. It is also important to put your spouses feelings above your own. So ask yourself, how am I making my marriage better for my spouse? Marriage is about being selfless. Marriage is hard work, but majority of people say it is worth it!