Home is Where the Heart is: 2013

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Divorce

In this week's class discussion we talked about divorce. We talked about how to protect marriages from divorcing. Somethings we mentioned were learn to solve problems as together, date properly, be open with spouse, and avoid blaming one another. We also talked about the different kinds of processes there are when it comes to separation. There is emotional, legal, economic, co-parental, community, and psychic separation. Emotional separation talks about losing trust and affection for your spouse. Legal separation refers to a court officially saying that the marriage is over. Economic separation talks about property and making a settlement. Co-parental separation involves children. Community separation talks about leaving behind friends and relations that both spouses had by leaving their community. Psychic separation talks about accepting that you are no longer a part of a couple, but you are now an individual. In class my professor also told us that 71% of people believe that two years after divorce the couple said that could have made their marriage work. We also discussed the challenges of getting remarried.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Parenting

This weeks class discussion we talked about parenting. Early in the week we talked about characteristics that keep us grounded as members in a family or as parents. First we have courage, then responsibility, then cooperation, and finally respect. For courage we talked about doing the right things even if it is scary. For responsibility we talked about having the ability to respond to challenges. For cooperation we talked about working together, and for respect we talked about being considerate of one another. We talked about different types of parenting like, authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive parenting. Authoritarian is when the child has no choice and is being controlled by the parent, authoritative is when the child has opportunities for choices and has guided direction, and permissive parenting is when the child is not directed by the parent at all and gets to make their own choices all the time. In class we talked about active parenting. In active parenting we were told to ask ourselves "who owns the problem?' Now this doesn't mean who is at fault for the problem, it means who is affect by the problem. Once we know who the problem affects we can better handle certain situations.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Work!

In this week's class discussion we talked about work. We talked about how since the beginning of time men and women have worked. They have worked to live. We talked about how important it is to teach our children the ethics of working. We discussed that allowing children to earn their own money allows them to feel independent and responsible. We also discussed in the first part of the week, how once World War II started men went off to war and the women in, effect from that, needed to go to work outside of the home. Since then women have had a huge role in the work force. We talked about how marriages could suffer from having both husband and wife in the work force. The marriage could suffer because now there is competition between spouses. Competition in who works better, who gets paid more, and so on. This could be very unhealthy especially if a spouse thinks that they are better then their spouse.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Communication Week

This week in class we discussed how we communicate with others, different kinds of power in a marriage, and the importance of coming together as a family and making important discussions. We discussed in class this week that we not only communicate with our language, but with our facial expressions, our body movements, and the tone we use when we talk. It is extremely important that if we don't quite understand what someone is saying we need to ask them what they really mean. It is also important to take a break from talking with someone when you are upset, give yourself a little breathing room and then go back and address the situation. We should do this because when we take a break from upsetting moments our emotions are able to calm down, which will help us think more clearly. There are five different types of power in a marriage; coercive, legitimate, expert, referent, and informational. Coercive power is avoiding punishment by spouse, legitimate power is more about duty to one another, expert power is that either spouse has expertise in something, referent power is wanting to please your spouse, and informational power is making sure that what your spouse wants is in her or his best interest. In class we talked about how the last three powers are probably the best powers to use in a marriage. It is important to come together to make decisions as a family, because it allows members to have the opportunity to speak openly and frankly. It allows every one's voice to be heard, because every one's opinion is important. It also invites members of the family to have a deeper bond.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Crisis Week

In our class discussion this week we talked about family crisis. During a crisis, usually these three things are a common factor; increase of stress, an emergency, and change from routine occurs. We talked about how a crisis symbolizes dangers and opportunity. When a crisis occurs it tends to "show the true colors" of a person personality. It's almost like a test of how someone will really react. This reminds me of resilience, which means the ability of a family, or a person, to go through hard times, but still remain strong. We also talked about the abc's of a crisis, and they are as follows; a is the actual event, b is the resources and response, c is the cognitive part of a crisis, and x is the total experience of the crisis. The one thing I really like about this weeks topic is one of the definitions in the book, and that's reframing. Reframing means to change your perspective about an event or something that happens to you. For me, if I did this all the time the things that would happen to me might not be such a big deal. I believe reframing can save a lot of wasted time and energy on minor things, and get put toward something more important.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Being Aware

This week in my class decision we talked about sexuality and infidelity. Before, we started talking about our topic for the week our teacher asked us what the word sacred means, and many people said that it meant holy (which is a synonym for sacred). We talked about what holy meant, and we came up with it meaning that you discuss something in a proper content or treat it with respect. As we had our class discussion this week we treated this subject with the respect and importance that it deserved. In one of our readings called Infidelity: Protecting our Marriages by Scott Gardner and Christian Greiner they mention four types of an affair. I thought it was very enlightening. So there are four types of affairs, which are; fantasy, visual, romantic, and sexual. They mention how fantasy and visual are forms of detached affairs. Fantasy is an emotional affair, in which one person doesn't know about it, because it's not their fantasy, but the other persons. Visual is a physical affair, an example of this is pornography. They mention how romantic and sexual affairs are attached affairs. A romantic affair is consider an emotional affair, because a person is getting involved with someone other then who they're married to emotionally. And a sexual affair is a physical affair. I thought this was enlightening, because for the most part I don't think many people know that there are other ways to have an affair then just by having sexual intimacy with someone other then their spouse. It is important to be aware of these things in keep and sustain a marriage.

Friday, February 22, 2013

Marriage

This week the class discussion was about adjusting to being married, and how to keep your relationship with your spouse a priority when you start having children. Some adjustments to getting married are having new family members (in-laws), creating new sleeping and eating habits, deciding who will be in charge of the money, and deciding when you want to start a family. In class we talked about making time for your spouse. Your children are important, but it is also important to include your spouse in raising your children, so that they don't feel neglected. It is also important to put your spouses feelings above your own. So ask yourself, how am I making my marriage better for my spouse? Marriage is about being selfless. Marriage is hard work, but majority of people say it is worth it!

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Dating

This weeks class discussion was on dating and marriage. Over time dating has changed in the world, and means different things to different people. Dating, for instances now means to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. But not too long ago dating meant just to go on dates with a variety of people. Nothing to serious. I really liked how in class we talked about the stages of marriage. The first stage is dating, then courtship ( a period of time to see how well the two people work together), engagement, and finally marriage. For me, I really like these stages! Also, in one of readings called Hanging Out, Hooking Up, and Celestial Marriage, Bruce Chadwick explains five suggestions for establishing and strengthening a marriage. In his first suggestion his tells us that there is no one right person for us, but there could be many right people for us. We just need to pick and decide who would fit us best. His second suggestion is don't wait for a someone to find you, you find them. His third suggestion is to exercise some faith. Have courage when it comes to dating! His fourth suggestion is keep physical intimacy at an appropriate level. Finally, his fifth suggestion is to pray for those who have used you. To me, the last suggestion tells me to let go of the past, and the wrongs that people have done to you. You don't want to carry that kind of bagging into the next relationship you have. I believe all these things will help a couple have a commitment marriage and friendship.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Differences between Boys and Girls

This week in class we talked about how each gender has an essential purpose. We discussed how each gender has something unique to offer one another. Woman are more sensitive, expressive, and relationship oriented. Men are considered more aggressive, mechanically minded, spatially oriented, physically stronger, and are more competitive. We talked about how usually at a young age boys will play with trucks, and girls will usually play with dolls. But there are some girls who will be more interested in the trucks, and some boys who will be more interested in the dolls. This isn't a bad thing unless parents over react in a negative manner, effecting the child in a negative way.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Is the Cost Greater then the Reward

In this weeks class discussion we talked about the cost of getting ahead. It gave me a whole new outlook about the people that are in my hometown. I felt horrible for people coming to the United States that are seeking a better life for their families, and then having to sacrifice little things that most people take for granted. Some of these families only had enough money for one person to leave to the United States, while the rest stayed behind. For months or years these families maybe separated depending on the financial income. The ones that stayed behind, the mother and children, had to cope with losing a father, and partly a mother, as the mother now tried to take on the father's role. In some cases, after the families were finally reunited, the families structure was broken down. Too much time had pasted. The father no longer felt like his role was respected, the children did not want to be home, the mother was more independent ( not that that's a bad thing), and there was a lot of hurt going around. I know that these families wanted to get a head, but it was at the cost of their families falling apart. This is such a hard stituation. I hope that anyone who is going through this right now, will try and find a way to save their family relationships.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Theories and Rules

This week in class we learned about system theory, conflict theory, exchange theory, and symbolic interaction. Exchange theory is probably my favorite theory, because I like the idea that the cost of something needs to balance out with a reward, or else it's not worth keeping around. I really enjoyed are in class conversation on family mapping. As I was learning about family mapping, I was thinking of my own family and how I would map everyone according to the rules of family mapping.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

This Weeks Class Discussion

I was shocked to learn this week in class that birth rate is decreasing! It was interesting to me to learn that retirement, immigration, low wages, and real estate have all been effected by birth rate.